October | 2012 | Mike Guzek

“You always have to be the wise guy, eh? I am going to start calling you Jake…..the village idiot.”

–Frank Guzek, my dad 1987

A blue net hat from a trip to Hawaii somehow made its way from the bottom of the hat drawer and into the living room and I saw it and had the same thought that most anyone would – “I can use that hat to make a kick ass 70s runner costume and run up Mount Santias this Thursday morning!” Throwback Thursday was born! Well, my two small kids screwed up my Thursday run so it was pushed back to Friday and so Throwback Thursday died as quickly as it began and Fun Run Friday was born!

Net hat, jorts, tube socks and funny shades. A tradition was born.

And so it began shortly before 6 AM on June 8^th 2012 at the base of Mt. Sanitas. A man in a net hat and jean shorts set out to change the world….that man’s name was me. My idea was to run up in that outfit every Friday. I would be like a ghost emerging from the morning mist on Friday and then disappearing as quickly as I came. I’d be elusive. Some would doubt my existence. Others would speak in taverns (in whispered voices only) of their encounters with me. It would be magical. Spiritual. But that first run taught me something. It taught me that jean shorts chafe.

With that, I knew the strategic vision of this operation needed to change. Any summit wearing or carrying anything ridiculous was fair game and the more ridiculous the better. Thus began a weekly ritual of spending Thursday nights running around the house pulling out old clothes and props to assemble something I could run to the top of Sanitas with. I have two rules. Rule 1 is to wear proper footwear. I just couldn’t live with myself if I broke an ankle because I tripped in Wonder Woman boots. Rule 2 is to not be offensive. I don’t mind if someone thinks running up and carrying a wooden patio chair is a stupid idea (mainly because it’s absolutely a stupid idea), but if people start getting pissed off then it’s just not worth the wigs and morning make up.

Over the weeks I have come to know many familiar faces on the mountain…many of them with horrible fun run ideas such as (keep in mind these ideas were at the height of our very hot summer) Eskimo, snowboarder, scuba diver and lumberjack with working chainsaw….. I suppose when you are at the top of the mountain talking with a guy who just ran up with a tray of drinks and lots of flair, no idea seems off limits. Nevertheless, seeing a good number of people truly get a kick out of it makes me think “yes, it was worth all that time in the basement looking for the George Mikan protective eye glasses in order to pull this costume off” and “that hour with the table saw to make that banner instead of helping my wife with dinner was worth it.”

I’ve learned a lot these last few months running the 1500 vertical feet from my house up to the top of Mount Sanitas with prop or costume every Friday morning. I’ve learned carrying a wooden patio chair isn’t as hard as it might seem, while being dressed as Atlas and carrying a giant globe is very hard. Unless they see it in the commercial, most people just think a Snuggie is a long funning looking robe. Too many people in Boulder can watch a guy run by them in a tie with a briefcase and coffee and not smile. Dribbling a basketball along a rocky ridgeline trail is a risky endeavor. If you are carrying some swim noodles and you ask someone if the pool is still at the top, too many will genuinely think you are looking for a pool at the top. Moses did not carry a Fed Ex package and a volleyball with a red handprint on it, Tom Hanks in the movie Castaway did. Good friends will run with you, but those who run with you in costume are just as stupid as you. Treasure them. Even Jake the village idiot needs friends.

GALLERY

(click a picture to launch viewer)

: Net hat, jorts, tube socks and funny shades. A tradition was born.

: No 70s throwback run is complete without some burns and a stache.

: I heard there was a pool up top! Turns out they said “pole”. Bummer. Hawaiian shirt, zinc noseblock, bathing suit, visor, shades and of course two swim noodles.

: You want to be a professional runner? Put on a tie and act like one!

: My job requires some air travel.

: Tube socks, safety goggles, belt, wristbands, headbands, slicked hair and even a towel! This was a pretty serious summit!

: That ball was on the line!

: Side note: Yeah, I still got a little tennis game.

: People asked my why I carried a chair up? So I have a nice place to sit at the top, of course!

: Best Seat In The House. Everybody else was sitting on rocks, but I had this comfy chair. It’s too much work to try to find and sit on a good rock.

: The openiing ceramonies of the Olympics were that night. There was not a dry eye on the mountain top as Billy and I celebrated in our own way. Citius, Altius, Fortius.

: My little guy celebrated too when I got home. “Daddy, whassss dat?!?!?!” “Can I hold it!?!?”

: In Boulder fashion, I made that “javelin” from recycled wood.

: At the Summit. All hail, Lord Michael.

: I was running late but wanted to summit…also wanted to read the paper, have my coffee and lounge in my robe. What to do? Answer…them all!

: No time for coffee and the paper and THEN a run. Only time for coffee and the paper WITH a run.

: It’s not a costume run, it’s a fun run and this time I was having fun just letting the world know a little about myself. Glover joined with two large zucchinis which turned into one large zucchini and two zucchini halves after a fall.

: I am pretty sure I was VERY passionate about my cause. If I can remember what it was, I vow to force lasting change on this unknown issue that very likely affects many people or possibly animals and maybe even the environment.

: Hardest training waiter in the game.

: Behind the scenes the night before. Applying putty to the bottom of my glasses so they don’t fall off. I’m actually using a pizza tray and “flair” I got when I worked at the Outback in college.

: Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilson!

: I’ve always felt like I walked around with the weight of the world on my shoulders, this day I tried running with it. Side note: You’d be surprised how many Boulderites think Hercules carried the earth. “Hey! It’s Hercules!”

: Post run. The softer side of Atlas. By this point my kids are used to the costume. When I came home Maxon saw the sheet and the globe I was carrying and asked “did you go running?”

: Perhaps the fastest summit ever of Sanitas in a Snuggie.

: Enjoying a book and a laugh snuggie style at the summit.

: I played the intro song on a loop 48 times during my summit and back. It’s still playing in my head. I love it.

: EXTREME Brady Bunching up Sanitas!

: Behind the scenes for some prop assembly. I made the frame from scrap wood, tacked poster board to it, taped the people photos on it, used black construction paper to create the “frame” between the people (and then black face paint when I ran out of paper) while managing to avoid injuring my son who is playing Super Why. If I tried this hard in the rest of my life I would probably be pretty successful.

: It was cold, snowy and dark. A ranger stopped me and asked what I was doing running around like this at 6 AM in the dark (the sun hadn’t come up yet) and I told him I just liked doing crazy runs. He paused and said, “I’m a ranger so I have to ask you this….’ARE you crazy?'”.

: In all seriousness, running through town to the trail head dressed like this while it was still dark out was not smart. Got some concerned looks from homeowners and drivers.

: Shaved several minutes off my PR to the summit. But let’s keep this pic between us ok? Or I’ll kill you. Ha! LOL…..seriously, I’ll kill you…..then I’ll sue you.

: A group of us carried this tree up for Christmas.

: Here is our crew atop Sanitas with the tree, decorations, coffee and music we ran up with.

: Got the order of my morning activities screwed up and got ready to shower, then went to run and then realized that was the probably not the right order.

It’s not up to men to decide what time they have. It’s up to men to decide what to do with the time they have been given.

-Gandalf

The finish!

“Just get to mile 1 and see how you feel” is the first thing I told myself when the alarm went off at 4 AM. Of course the comfy bed would feel preferable to running 50 miles, so I had to make sure I got moving and gave this thing a fair shot before deciding if I wasn’t fit for duty. So I ate my toast with peanut butter and honey and drove the 45 minutes to Lakewood with the mindset that I was running this race.

I had been sick all week with a low fever and green stuff coming out of my lungs. On race day (and even now 4 days later) I was sporting the fever. If it was a training weekend I would not have trained, but this was a race weekend, and if I was going to run 50 miles for the first time, it had to be this race. With the latest addition to our family in February, the first half of the summer was spent doing family things with little training and no racing. The informal agreement was that in the back half of the summer I could cut my teeth on a few ultra trail runs and walk away from 2012 having raced little, but completed things I’ve never even attempted before. There are no other 50 mile races left this year within an 8 hour drive of Boulder. And even if there was, I couldn’t just wait for another race a few months later because training time is a luxury I do not have at the moment. I spent all my training time funds already and my account balance was at zero. It had to be this race or no race. And while I wasn’t thrilled to try my first 50 mile run with Zicam in my drop bag, this was the situation I was in. And the pain of running 50 miles while not feeling well would be far less than the pain walking around Sunday and not running the 50 miles. And so I just wanted to get to mile 1 and see.

Mile 1

The race director had the timing dialed in perfectly with the gun going off at 6:30 with just barely enough light to see the trail. Of course, I was still rooting around in my bag as the race started, but I managed to cross the starting line only a few seconds late. The first few steps felt good and I started to believe. If I tried to take a deep breath I would fall into a coughing frenzy, but easy shallow breathing seemed to work, and I definitely felt better than all of my “runs” during the week that disintegrated into dejected walking and even sitting time wastes of crappiness. So the fact I was running at all was no small accomplishment and a welcomed surprise. When I hit the one mile mark, I knew that unless I injured myself, I was going to finish. I was above whatever threshold you need to be to run 50 miles (which is part physical and part being mentally deranged I believe). Normally when I run, to make the effort not seem so bad I hit the one mile mark and say “only 9 more of those and I am done” or “just do that 5 more times and that’s it”. As I passed 1 mile I said to myself “only 49 more of those and I am done.” I got a little depressed and I stopped playing that game. 49 of anything is too many.

The course was fairly tame with only one signification climb on each of the four loops with 3400 feet of total elevation. I settled in with a group of guys running just under a 9 minute mile pace.

Traveling in a pack at mile 5

It felt easy and comfy. It’s hard to believe that you could say a 9 minute mile might be too fast, but I was worried it might be too fast! It’s pretty hard to assess how the steps you are taking now might impact you 9 hours later. Overall I felt good and sucked throat lozenges in between aid stations and occasionally hacked up goofy stuff that had made its way into my throat. The main thing was that I was “good enough” to race and I wasn’t going to squander this chance.

Eventually I found myself at the back of a train led by a fairly fit looking lady and I figured that was a good spot. Women generally seem to have the best sense of pacing. Maybe they don’t have quite the bravado and ego that men do? Either way, judging by her calves, I could tell this was someone I should not be passing and she helped the last miles of loop 1 fly by. I hit the start/finish of the 12.5 mile first lap in 1:52. I was definitely ahead of schedule.

Loop two was much of the same except now the 50K folks were on the course. It took me a while to figure out what was going on and the first few people I passed I was thinking “how in the world did that guy out run me the first lap!?!?” I hit the significant climb at the midway point of the lap and on the way down is when I felt the first signs of a fatigue. I was about 18 miles in and I still felt good, but the battle was beginning in earnest now.

Just after the descent there are 3 stream crossings which made it……interesting. Some chose to go a little down the stream to try to hop across on rocks but most just blasted in. I blasted in and took a brief moment to splash my head, arms and legs. Refreshing! Then of course it was a couple miles of squishy running. I hit the 25 mile halfway mark in 3:58. Based on time I was doing great, but I was way more tired at this point than I planned to be so I had to “adjust” some expectations going forward.

Really? More stream crossings?

I knew going in that the 3^rd loop would be the hardest. I can’t tell myself “last lap”. It’s not an out and back so I can’t say “ok, headed for home!” The lap covers miles 25 – 37.5 which aren’t close enough to home to be motivating, but are enough miles to be exhausting. So I took a good 5 minute walk break to kick it off and didn’t pressure myself to run a certain pace or try to avoid any walk breaks. I just tried to move forward while taxing myself as little as possible. And that sounds good and all, but it still felt like crap! My pace slowed considerably and I finish loop three at 6:44 total time with a 2:45 lap split. The one thing going in my favor was that I had absolutely no chaffing, blisters, sunburn, corns, calluses, bunions, Ebola, elephantitis of the face, shingles, weak stream, whooping cough or paper cuts. I fully expected that sort of “collateral damage” to be the hardest part of the race. But other than a small blister on my foot that didn’t even hurt until mile 49 I was entirely free of all those things which was HUGE.

For the last lap I switched my watch over to total distance instead of lap distance, mainly because I thought it was cool to see 40+ miles on it. Barring a catastrophe I was going to safely beat any cutoff times, so my goal was just to cover the last miles while not putting myself at risk for any type injury or circumstance that would jeopardize the finish. It seems silly to have covered 45 miles, but still question if you can cover the last 5, but a finish still seemed in doubt up until seeing the finishing chute. It wasn’t just about muscular fatigue. My joints hurt. My bones hurt. I had this fear that something would just stop working and I’d crumple into a heap on the side of the trail. Towards the end I was doing about the same amount of walking as running and I was really really tired. A few times I just stopped and put my hands on my knees just to give my quads a break for a few seconds. I did not dare sit because if I sat I knew that I would probably not stand again for a very long time.

Lap 3 mile 30. Let the pains begin!

At mile 49 a guy passed me and asked if I needed anything. He asked if I wanted to run with him and finish together. I told him to just go on ahead and run his race and that I’d be fine. He apologized for passing me! I said, “look dude, this race! Passing people is exactly what you are supposed to do. No apology is needed.” As he pulled away I started thinking of an Ironman a few years ago where towards the end of the bike leg a guy pulled in front of me an proceeded to take a leak and spray me and other cyclist as well as spectators. Never mind that in two minutes he’d be in a changing tent with bathrooms. The guy was too “completive” to waste time in a bathroom so he chose to piss on people. And here was this fellow in a trail run apologizing for passing me. It’s certainly not an absolute that tri folks are jerks and trail folks are great, but there is absolutely a different vibe at these races. There is much more of a “we are in this together” mentality instead of “hey, there is a guy in a red shirt…..I am going to take a leak on him!” And that’s pretty cool.

There is a quad pounding downhill just before the finish that went something like this “Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!” And then as I rounded a corner I saw the most glorious thing I had seen all day…..the finish! I was filled with a deep sense of satisfaction that I haven’t experienced in a while. I can’t think of the last race I started where I truly wasn’t sure if I could finish. Chasing the finish line instead of chasing seconds here and there is an altogether different experience. And given the last 7 months with the endless sleepless nights dealing with an infant, the stress and busyness of a new life with two small kids, the uncertainty with sickness and injury leading up the race, I had truly reached the finish line of a long, hard and unpredictable journey. And I was pretty happy about that.

9 hour 43 minute finish.

Loop 1 1:52

Loop 2 2:06

Loop 3 2:46

Loop 4 2:58

Results: http://www.hallucinationsports.com/event/show/27817391#/person:&entry_id=48:1349284740162